her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
