I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
