It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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