I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
