they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
