Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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