I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
