He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
