you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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