Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
