Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
