I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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