On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize