Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
