Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
