I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
