Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We got so high we made milksteak
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
