I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
pray to the hookup gods
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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