So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
