My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
