he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
