uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
