told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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