I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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