So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
