dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
