Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
