I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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