I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
