Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
