so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
