I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
