Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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