Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She bit a glass in half.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
