make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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