I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
