great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
