she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
