i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
