my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
