I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
