A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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