just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
