he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
