I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Im part way to drunk.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
