Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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