a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
