my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
