you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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