Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
