i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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