I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
