so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Your cock deserves a montage
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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