Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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