were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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