I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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