I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
