you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
