How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
