I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
