I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
