Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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