Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
