I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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