Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
