booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
this will be a night to untag.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
