ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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