I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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