I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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