i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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