So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize