Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
