I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
