Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My feet surprised me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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