why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
