Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
