Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
