I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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