All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
