I'd wear matching sweaters with you
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
