I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
