I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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